Kelly McDonald does a lot of public speaking as a bestselling author on diversity, and if there’s one word she avoids these days it’s “diversity.”
McDonald says that while she knows people believe diversity is an important issue in this country, they’re also sick to death of hearing about it. Whether it’s the PowerPoint presentation at an industry conference, the annual diversity memo from human resources or the posters in the breakroom advocating diversity, we’ve all got diversity fatigue, she says.
McDonald says the eye-rolling, sighs and slumped shoulders of those who are urged to talk about diversity proves to her that it’s time to move past the “why” of diversity and move into the “how” of diversity. In other words, we know that diversity is important, but how do we find common ground and a respectful professional relationship with a teammate who we might disagree with politically or culturally?
Part of the problem, McDonald says, is that no one wants to admit they’re tired of talking about diversity or that they’re uneasy with a coworker. If they do, they might be branded a racist, a sexist, an anti-Semite, homophobic, intolerant or inflexible, she says.
“No one is going to admit it,” McDonald says. “And it’s not politically correct to say, ‘I’m uncomfortable with this person.’”
That’s why McDonald advocates that it’s time in the workplace to change the way we talk about diversity – including how it’s characterized. “My definition of diversity is any way that you can be different from me,” she says.
This can mean a working parent may make different decisions or have different priorities than an employee who doesn’t have children. Or it could be the differences between white- and blue-collar workers, introverts and extroverts or office workers and remote workers. Differences don’t always mean religion or gender or sexual identification or race, she says.
Elephant in the room
When McDonald talks publicly about getting along with others who are different, there can be some skepticism – even cynicism – from audience members. As a white, Wisconsin-born woman, why is McDonald qualified to talk about such issues?
“I tell people I know that I’m not what they might have expected. But I tell them I’m not there to talk about activism. I’m there to talk about business,” she says. “I know that Betty from accounting just wants to know what to do to get along with someone at work, and that’s what I tell her how to do. Diversity has to include everyone, including people like me.”
With a successful business career and four bestselling books under her belt, McDonald has whittled her message down to one that grabs everyone from the CEO to the employee on the factory floor: If you want to be successful – and your company to be successful – then it’s critical you learn to get along with people at work who are different from you.
McDonald points out that businesses have seen from their own research that they achieve greater innovation and production when teams are made up of people from different backgrounds, experiences and ideas. That, in turn, leads to greater profits, which means diverse teams are now part of any business strategy, McDonald says.
“Talking about this issue can be tough,” McDonald says. “But companies are pouring millions and billions into this effort. They’re not doing it for optics.”
Overcoming biases
McDonald has seen it all: the resentment, the anger and the frustration that comes from working day after day with someone who doesn’t get you – and who you don’t begin to understand. It can be miserable.
Yet, she has one simple message: “The cure for prejudice is contact. It’s hard to hate someone you know.”
It can begin with a conversation. “Four words – ‘Tell me about yourself’ – are magic,’” McDonald says. “They will tell you about themselves. They will tell you what they think is important. What someone shares with you about themselves tells you much more than what you see from the outside, like their age, race or ethnicity.”
She suggests when you want to connect with a co-worker, here are some things to keep in mind:
- Make positive comments. They can be personal (“I love your necklace! Do you have a favorite place to find such pieces?”) or professional. If you’re not sure how to approach the person, try talking about an upcoming project.
- Ask questions. When you show genuine interest, it helps draw people out.
- Don’t gossip. People don’t trust others who seem to be overstepping or have some kind of agenda.
- Ask for advice. Everyone finds it flattering to be recognized for their expertise.
- Determine what matters to them. What makes this person happy? Brings joy or satisfaction? What causes frustration or unhappiness? When you learn more about things someone cares about, it’s easier to find connections.
Getting the job done
A recent New York Times and Sienna College poll finds that one in five voters (19%) report that politics has hurt relationships with their family or friends. If that’s going on at home, you can imagine how often McDonald sees that play out in the workplace.
This is when McDonald points out one very big difference between conflicts in personal lives and professional ones: No one has to like another coworker. Workers need to work together to bring about the best outcome. That takes cooperation, respect, trust, support, shared goals and communication. But no employee is required to spend weekends or holidays with coworkers, and no job description says that someone must like Joe.
McDonald says that when such disconnects happen in the workplace, it’s important to understand that it’s happening because of a difference in values. For example, perhaps one worker was raised with very liberal values while another was brought up to value conservative viewpoints. So, while one worker supports one cause or acts in a specific way – the other worker is completely baffled by such ideas.
It can even be a simpler case, such as someone always interrupting. Another worker may be driven crazy by such behavior, since he or she was raised to never interrupt.
“Having different values creates judgments about the other person and that’s what is at the root of that feeling of dislike,” McDonald says. Our instinct is to usually prove that we are ‘right’ and they are ‘wrong,’” McDonald says.
But such an approach is an emotional one, and likely to spur other unpleasant emotions such as frustration, impatience, anger, resentment, despair or futility, she says.
By removing emotion from the problem – such as getting angry when the coworker interrupts – and remembering that you aren’t required to like the person, then it makes things easier. The bottom line: All you have to do is work with this person.
“It’s about cooperation, not friendship,” McDonald says. “You don’t have to see eye-to-eye on everything, or share the same views. You just have to get along well enough to get the job done.”
Such advice is what makes McDonald’s approach different from other diversity initiatives. She stays focused on how to work with people who are different from one another in order to get the job done and create bottom-line success for the workers and for the leadership.
For those workers who may believe that diversity and inclusion is just another “fad,” McDonald quickly wipes away such thinking.
“First, companies keep working on diversity because it works. It grows business. It makes everything better,” she says. “Second, we are going to continue to work alongside people who are not like us. In fact, the workplace is going to become more diverse in the future as technology brings more and more people together from across the globe and in every industry.”
That’s why workers and leaders need to have practical tips to help them work with others who may not look like them, act like them, think like them or work like them.
“Business isn’t about dealing with the world the way you want the world to be. It’s about dealing with the world the way the world is,” she says.
Sourced Photo
Kelly McDonald is an acclaimed speaker who specializes in consumer trends and changing demographics. She is the president of McDonald Marketing and has authored four bestselling books on the customer experience, leadership, and marketing — all from the standpoint of working with people “not like you.” Her book, How to Work With and Lead People Not Like You, has been on two bestseller lists. You can learn more about the book and McDonald’s work by visiting her website or connecting socially on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
