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“Sex is a mitzvah!” says Dr. Caleb Jacobson, clinical psychologist and sex therapist. Most are surprised to learn that the American-born Orthodox Jew is also a Bible scholar. “The very first commandment ever given to humanity is one of sexual interaction and connectedness,” he says.

His Mission

Jacobson is on a mission to help couples bridge the gap between religious and personal beliefs when it comes to sex. He strives to help religious couples achieve a stronger bond and build healthier families. He achieves this by helping couples develop open dialogue about sexual desires, needs, boundaries, and expectations within a marriage or relationship. With compassion and understanding, he helps his clients move past any discomfort associated with talking about sex to create safe spaces for intimate connection.

Through the faith-based issues brought up by his clients during their sessions, Dr. Jacobson has been taking us on a journey via his social media accounts to answer the following question: how do religious beliefs impact intimacy?

According to him, “Religion can be an obstacle, or it can be an asset,” says Dr. Caleb Jacobson. In a world where religion and sex-negativity have always been considered to be closely associated, he proves us wrong through collaborations with Muslim educators like Sameera Qureshi, Mormon sex therapists like Natasha Helfer and obviously, his own content, which deals with how the Jewish view sex. 

His Teachings

Based on his teachings, we can see how he doesn’t see faith-based sex therapy as being an oxymoron and that it can, in fact, be a way to help make sex uncomplicated.

It has been said time and again that sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, and Dr. Jacobson does not disagree. While sex is definitely a physical act, he feels it’s important to also seek out to explore the emotional dimension of it. He says they are the elements that make sex an act of fusion and merging between two individuals, making it almost divine in every sense of the word.

“Sex is a common and natural part of life,” he says, “without it, none of us would be here.” Jacobson says he sees his job as a Jewish sex therapist as “helping couples take something common and elevate it to a place of holiness and beauty.” 

How It Works

To accomplish his mission, Jacobson works to dig deep into his client’s beliefs concerning sex. “Most people have faulty cognitions about sex, and they don’t necessarily come from religion despite what other therapists may say,” Jacobson notes. He lists television, culture, and even other therapists and sex educators as possible culprits.

Many therapists actually encourage their clients to abandon their religious beliefs in order to find fulfilling sex lives, Jacobson explained. “I think that’s the worst thing a therapist can do, and it’s pretty unethical,” he says. 

Instead, the Berlin-based therapist incorporates his client’s religious beliefs into the therapeutic process. He does this by relying on religious texts and historical teachings from his client’s faith tradition. He explains that many religious teachings are misinterpreted and that sexuality is not our enemy but a gift from God that allows us to enjoy life and each other more. As the title of this article reminds us, Dr. Caleb Jacobson is guiding couples by debunking the sex-negative myths around religion to help his clients have sex guilt-free.

Sadly, many people experience feelings such as shame, guilt, and fear which are associated with sex. Jacobson says that while many therapists blame religion for instilling these feelings into people, nonreligious clients also experience these feelings. He says, “Sometimes it’s much easier to blame religion as the culprit, but what about nonreligious clients who also have these feelings?”

His Clients

Jacobson sees a wide range of clients dealing with a number of sexual problems. He says it can be difficult for religious individuals to connect their spirituality with sexuality. And for couples who want a great sex life while still being ‘frum,’ it can become even more complicated. This can often lead to sexual problems in the relationship. 

Some of the most common sexual problems faced by Orthodox Jews include vaginismus in women, early ejaculation and erectile dysfunction in men, and unconsummated marriages among newlyweds.

But sexual problems are not unique to religious Jews. He also works with Christian and Muslim clients who have their own unique sexual issues. And they contact him from everywhere imaginable. With clients in all different time zones, it’s easy to understand why Dr. Jacobson often works past midnight. 

They all seek out Jacobson because he is the leader in sex therapy when working with religious clients. “He doesn’t even have a website,” said one client of Jacobson’s who asked to remain anonymous. “I found him through a podcast.” 

Other clients connect with him through his Instagram or word of mouth. Jacobson said most of his clients come from referrals. “It could be through a family member, a friend, clergy, or even other therapists,” he says. He believes his clients come to him because they feel safe talking about relational and sexual issues with someone who is trusted by their religious community. 

“But I am getting a website soon,” he laughs, “that is my goal for 2023.” Until then, people can still find him on social media or through his new podcast, Uncomplicated Sex.