Every generation believes it was invented growing up. Every generation is wrong.
College students today are entering adulthood in a world that records almost everything. A bad joke, a reckless photo, a cruel text, a foolish night, a broken relationship, or one immature decision can follow a young person far beyond the moment that created it. The pressure to be perfect has become its own kind of education.
But those of us who came of age in the late 1980s remember a different kind of imperfection. We made mistakes without phones in our pockets. We argued in dorm rooms, not comment sections. We learned friendship in residence hall lounges, not curated feeds. We got lost, said the wrong thing, loved badly, apologized awkwardly, and tried again.
That does not mean our mistakes were harmless. They were not. People got hurt. Trust was broken. Futures changed. The difference was not that our choices mattered less. The difference was that we often had room to become more than the worst thing we had done.
That space matters.
In my novel The Road to Athens, Ethan Brooks begins college carrying the consequences of his own decisions. He has hurt people he cares about. He has lied. He has acted selfishly. He leaves home thinking college will offer freedom, only to learn that freedom without accountability is just another way to run from yourself.
That lesson is not limited to fiction. It is one many young adults face in real life. The first taste of independence can be thrilling. No parents checking the clock. No familiar routines holding everything in place. No one is watching closely enough to stop you before you cross a line. For many students, college is the first place where character is tested without supervision.
Some pass that test early. Others fail it and spend years learning what failure can teach.
We often speak to young people as if success is a straight road: choose the right school, find the right major, meet the right people, avoid the wrong crowd, build the right future. It sounds clean. It sounds responsible. It is also incomplete.
Growing up is rarely that orderly. More often, maturity arrives after the wrong decision, the painful phone call, the friendship strained by pride, the relationship damaged by selfishness, the moment a young person has to say, “I did this. It is my fault. Now what?”
That “now what?” is where adulthood begins.
We should not excuse harmful choices. Accountability is necessary. Consequences are real. But if we only teach young people to fear failure, we rob them of the deeper lesson: a person can tell the truth, own the damage, seek forgiveness and choose differently next time.
That is not a weakness. That is formation.
The late 1980s college experience may look nostalgic now: dorm phones, road trips, music, parties, friendships formed without Wi-Fi. But beneath the nostalgia was something timeless. Young people were trying to figure out who they were when no one from home was there to define them. They were learning that independence is not the same as wisdom. They were learning that love requires more than feeling. Friendship requires loyalty. Faith requires trust. And becoming an adult requires the humility to admit when you have been wrong.
Today’s students deserve that same grace, even in a less forgiving world.
They need adults who will tell them the truth without reducing them to their mistakes. They need friends who care enough to confront them. They need families who understand that consequences and compassion are not opposites. They need room to grow, not permission to avoid responsibility.
The road to adulthood is not paved by perfect choices. It is shaped by the moments when we finally stop running from imperfect ones.
And sometimes, the mistake we are most ashamed of becomes the beginning of the person we were meant to become.
Author bio: Karl Cordes is the author of The Road to Athens, a novel about college, accountability, friendship, faith, and the long road toward maturity. His work reflects on the lessons young adults learn when freedom, consequences, and grace collide.
Author Name: Karl Cordes Book Title: The Road to Athens Book Published by: Visionary Book Publishers
