By: James Brown 

Reflecting on the deadliest accident that broke 52 bones in her body, Dr. Marina penned her recovery journey as a manual of light to survive through life-altering experiences in this article

No matter how spiritual we might be, going through a traumatic event that results in wounds, deformities, or permanent disabilities messes with our sense of identity. 

Two and a half years ago I had a devastating near-death skydiving accident that left me broken into 52 pieces and completely destroyed my face. It took 19 long painful reconstructive surgeries and almost three years of healing to put me together. I am still healing and hoping to like the end result. 

Despite my eleven-year spiritual business, daily energy work and spiritual practices, having my face broken was a devastating experience. Do you know how it feels to look in the mirror and see a monster looking back instead of the beautiful being that you used to see? Do you know how it feels to not recognize yourself? Have you experienced having to hide from everyone – your friends and family – and live like a ghost? Do you understand what it feels like to not be able to step out of your house just to walk your dog or run an errand without a mask covering your face all the time? 

Faces in our Society 

Faces give us our identity. They help us recognize each other and realize someone’s gender, age, ethnicity, and level of attractiveness with only a brief glimpse. They are the glue that holds us together. Even little babies that are just born stare at faces and spot familiar features. We see faces everywhere all the time, even in the arrangement of foods on our plate or stains on the wall. 

This phenomenon of seeing patterns where they don’t exist is called the pareidolia function. And pareidolia happens a lot in faces because of the way our brains are wired. A lot of real estate in the cerebral cortex of our brain is dedicated to processing and identifying faces. Fusiform face areas are located on the left and right sides of the brain, at the bottom of the temporal lobe of the cerebral cortex. They activate when we process – even imagine – faces and portraits. Moreover, our faces are organs of emotion, and we constantly determine whether someone is sad, or angry, joyful or depressed by assessing their facial expression.

 Remember the expression that our “eyes are the windows to our souls?” Well, they are. They speak volumes about a person’s emotions – even their personality. We become attracted to others based on, in large part, our faces. We recognize our friends by their faces far before they open their mouths to say hello. Even though our faces change through the years, for most people, prominent features and characteristics remain. For me, for instance, my eyes and smile with high cheekbones are my prominent features. What are the distinctive features you and others identify you as having? 

In addition to being the most outward manifestation of our identity, the face is a channel of nonverbal communication. We can read faces and decode messages that are not expressed in words. Our faces are so fundamental to our identities that through many centuries, the most terrifying kinds of punishment and torture involved depriving humans of their faces. 

For example, in the Middle Ages, women accused of witchcraft had their faces encased in an iron mask called the “scold’s bridle,” a cage attached to a locking iron muzzle. In order to take away their ability to speak, these iron masks had an iron verge covered: with spikes that projected into the woman’s mouth to prevent her from opening it. 

That is exactly how I felt during my numerous months of recovery. My face was covered with a mask to prevent anyone from seeing my broken features, impeding connection with others. My mouth was full of metal, which was painful even when it was closed, but caused excruciating pain when I tried to speak. The presence of foreign material restricting my jaw movement and preventing me from expressing my freedom – my speech – created anxiety and caused claustrophobic attacks, where I felt stuck inside my body with no way to escape. Like a hermit, I stayed away from people. 

Humans socialize by mirroring and mimicking each other’s facial expressions and body language; the mirror neurons in our brain create a sense of empathy and connection. These tools for creating connections were no longer available to me. I felt unknown, unrecognizable and even nonhuman. I had fallen off the rails of life, and all events – activities, holidays and other celebrations – were passing me by. I was a ghost trying to join the physical world, but just did not have enough weight or inertia to enter this heavy, three-dimensional (3D) plane.

 And since I was not dead, the restful peace of the realm of the dead was also not an option for me. I wandered around, hanging between Earth and Sky. I was like a balloon stuck in a tree, uncertain and unable to find my place, wondering if I would ever be found. This terrifying feeling escalated with each month, as I constantly dreamed of my old, pre-accident, “normal” face, only to wake up to the horrifying truth. I began to forget my real features. I created a collage of my photos and looked at them daily, visualizing my appearance returning to the way it was before. Grief for the old Marina suffocated me, and the fear that I would never see her again penetrated every cell of my body.

 Do you know what it is to miss yourself? To bury yourself while your body is still alive? It is a pain deeper and more disorienting than any loss I have ever experienced. 

Who am I without my face? The words of the Scorpions, my favorite rock group, played over and over in my mind. 

Would you care for me if I was deaf and blind                   

Would you hear my voice if I was always quiet 

Would you hold my hand if I was going to fall 

Would you cry for me, would you know my name at all 

Would you be there if I was on the ground 

Would you be my friend if no one was around 

Would you hold me close if I was in the cold 

Would you pray for me, would you know my name at all 

Would you care, would you be there?

For the soul behind the face….

Would you love me for what I am?

Would you care, would you be there

For the soul behind the face 

 

Now let’s turn the mirror to you! Would YOU be there for yourself, caring and loving yourself even if your outer shell had broken? Would you support your own healing process, taking enough time to rest, referring to yourself – even if wounded – with beautiful words? Would you disconnect from all sources of negativity, even from family members who drain your energy and instead immerse yourself into a positive state, where everything you see, hear, drink, eat, taste, inhale and touch supports your feeling of hope? Would you be there for yourself and believe that you will be okay, no matter what? Would you support yourself by doing the research and finding the right support groups, doctors and therapists? Would you create for yourself a trusted circle of friends and family that can remind you in your darkest times that you are safe, you are whole, you are healing and you will be healed?

52 Pieces: a Manual of Light to Survive the Abyss of Trauma: Kostina, Dr. Marina

A Winner of International Impact Award in 3 Categories (MIND/BODY, MOTIVATIONAL, INSPIRATIONAL)

52 Pieces: A Manual of Light to Survive the Abyss of Trauma is based on Dr. Marina Kostina’s near-death sky-diving accident and her miraculous journey back to life. Dr. Kostina’s body and face were broken into 52 pieces, and it took 10 surgeries to put her back together. The book details the author’s personal struggle with PTSD, depression, and anxiety through the abyss of her tragedy.

Using her background as an energy healing practitioner and hypnotherapist, Dr. Kostina offers useful “tools of light” for those who are going through traumatic events to find meaning and purpose in their seemingly desperate circumstances. She also reveals the secrets of manifesting faster timelines and healing, finding the right doctors and creating miracles that defy laws of the physical world. by providing insights into the “science of magic”, which helped her create full and complete recovery in a short time and beat many doctors’ prognoses.

You can also watch the video excerpt of the 52 pieces book on Youtube: https://youtube.com/shorts/xkPMquHfDi4?si=m-

Dr. Kostina is an award-winning neuroscience coach, clinical hypnotherapist and educator specializing in trauma and addiction, and a CEO of an award-winning healing center in Chicago. For more information check out her website: https://ravenouslifecenter.com

Published by Charlie N.