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Katrin Kashurt: How to Begin Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Move Toward the Life You Want — 3 Strategies to Explore

May 22, 2025

By: Katrin Kashurt (M.A. in Psychology, Women’s Personal Growth Coach)

The Invisible Force That Holds So Many Brilliant Women Back

I’ve seen it time and again — talented, smart, strong women who deeply want change, yet often find themselves circling the same patterns over and over again.

They delay, second-guess, self-criticize, or quit just before things get real. They call it “not the right time” or “I just need to figure a few things out.” But underneath those words is something much deeper.

It’s not laziness. It’s not a lack of willpower. It’s self-sabotage. And yes — I’ve been there, too.

With a Master’s degree in Psychology and years of experience working as a personal growth coach for women, I’ve focused my career on helping women overcome the unconscious blocks that keep them stuck and small. Working with women from around the world, I’ve come to understand one thing with clarity:

Self-sabotage isn’t a flaw. It’s a signal.

It’s an inner voice — often shaped long ago — that’s likely trying to protect you. But until we bring that voice into the light, it can quietly run the show.

Why We Sabotage What We Say We Want

Self-sabotage is when your thoughts, behaviors, or decisions quietly (and often unconsciously) work against the goals you say matter most to you. And it’s far more common than most of us realize.

You might find yourself:

Talking yourself out of applying for that opportunity.
Postponing something important… again.
Over-preparing endlessly but never launching.
Starting and stopping — over and over.
Creating chaos when things start going well.

So why does this happen?

Because somewhere deep inside, part of you may believe that staying where you are is safer than growing. And in a way, that part might be right. Growth means exposure. It means risk. It means letting go of old identities. But staying stuck can mean slowly losing your joy, your spark, and your belief in what’s possible.

So, how do you move past it?

Here are the three strategies I’ve used with hundreds of women — and with myself — to help them start living the life they actually want:

1. Face the Fear Behind the Pattern

Every form of self-sabotage is often rooted in fear. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of being seen. Fear of rejection. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of being “too much” — or not enough.

The key isn’t to fight the fear. It’s to name it. To look at it.

Ask yourself honestly:

What am I afraid might happen if this actually works?
Whose voice do I hear when I hesitate?
What’s the worst-case scenario I keep imagining?

When we expose these fears to light, they often lose their power. And when you recognize that fear is just your nervous system trying to protect you, not the voice of truth, you may start to make different choices.

2. Reconnect With What You Actually Want — Not What You Think You Should Want

Many of the women I work with are chasing goals they don’t truly care about. They’re working hard, but they’re disconnected from desire. They’ve internalized years of “shoulds”:

You should want a stable job.
You should be grateful for what you have.
You should settle down and stop dreaming.

Here’s what I often tell them:

Self-sabotage frequently isn’t about resistance to work — it’s resistance to misalignment.

When you’re pursuing something that doesn’t light you up, your energy can betray you. You’ll drag your feet. You’ll avoid. You’ll shrink.

Ask yourself:

If no one were to judge me, what would I really want?
What desire keeps quietly whispering to me?
What feels exciting — and terrifying — all at once?

Reconnecting with true desire — not the performance of it, not the Instagram version — can change everything. That’s when energy begins to flow.

3. Take Imperfect Action (Even When You’re Not Ready)

Let me say this clearly:

Perfectionism is often self-sabotage in a beautiful disguise.

The belief that “once I’m ready, I’ll act” is a trap. Readiness is not a feeling — it’s a decision. Waiting to feel 100% confident before you begin is like waiting for a perfect moment that may never come.

The truth is: you build confidence through doing. Through showing up. Through failing forward and learning on the go.

So instead of asking yourself, “Am I ready?”

Ask: “What’s the smallest step I can take today — even if it’s messy, even if it’s uncomfortable?”

One email. One post. One conversation. One action.

The women who change their lives aren’t the ones who never doubt. They’re the ones who act anyway.

You Don’t Need to Be Fixed — You Just Need to Be Heard

If you take one thing from this article, let it be this:

You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You don’t lack discipline.

You’re carrying stories that were never yours to begin with.

And those stories can be rewritten.

When you learn how to face your fear, honor your desire, and take brave, imperfect action, over and over, self-sabotage often loses its grip.

And in its place, something much more powerful can begin to rise: self-trust.

I’ve seen women rise from burnout and emotional exhaustion to building bold businesses, starting new chapters, and finally choosing themselves, not because the fear disappeared, but because they chose to walk forward with it.

That’s the life I want for you.

And that’s the life that’s waiting for you.

Katrin Kashurt, M.A. in Psychology, is a personal growth coach for women. She helps women release limiting patterns and step into a life of clarity, confidence, and energy. You can follow her insights and updates on Instagram.