For those parenting in 2022, race is a difficult topic but it’s one that must be discussed. Stories on race frequently top the headlines. Racial issues are regularly debated in pop culture and often the most trending hashtags on social media.
By the time children are old enough to read, they are reading about race, racism, and racial injustice. When parents fail to take the time to talk about race with their kids, they put those kids at a disadvantage.
Matthew Kincaid is a former social studies teacher and school administrator who founded Overcoming Racism in 2016 to help schools and organizations to have better, productive conversations about race that could lead to positive solutions.
“Give light and people will find the way,” as Ella Baker would say.
Matthew is working to be that change. The St. Louis native believes that fear is the biggest barrier to engaging in conversations about race and racism. His mission is to help people break through that fear.
“When families don’t talk about money, credit, savings, budgeting, and other financial issues with their children, they raise children who are at a disadvantage from a financial literacy standpoint,” Matthew says. “In the same way, families that don’t make it a habit to talk about race with their children, even when it is uncomfortable, leave their children at a disadvantage to traverse the diverse landscape of this country.”
Talking about race should happen often
Notice that Matthew says conversations on race should become a “habit” for families. Just like with any other important topic, one conversation on race is not enough.
Experts agree that talking about race needs to be an ongoing conversation. Race and racism are complicated topics with many layers to understand. As children grow, their experience with race and the questions that they have about it will evolve. To develop a healthy and helpful perspective, children will need to talk about it regularly.
Talking about race requires honesty
Because of the complicated nature of the topic, parents serve their children better by educating themselves on race issues. There are plenty of resources available to help parents understand how to talk with kids of all ages. Many can be found online and most are free.
However, parents should be aware that being honest and authentic with their kids about race will most likely require that they first explore their feelings on the topic.
In the process of helping their children to learn, parents may discover their own racial bias. Working through that bias may be challenging, but it also may provide valuable lessons for children. As parents work to have an informed perspective on race, they become better role models for their children.
Talking about race must start early
Many parents wrestle with how early to start having discussions with their children about race. What research is finding is that the discussions typically need to start sooner than parents think.
A recent study from Boston University found that adults believe children start processing race years after it actually happens.
“Our kids can see racism,” Matthew explains. “They see it in their neighborhoods. They see it in the news. They see it on social media. They see it at school. They see it, but they don’t always understand what to do about it.”
While conversations need to be age appropriate, they can start as early as children begin developing a perception of the world. The sooner the conversations start, the more comfortable children will be with the topic as their experience grows and their interest evolves.
Talking about race is not easy
If parents wait to become experts before starting conversations on race, those conversations will never happen. As Matthew knows from spending more than a decade leading anti-racism workshops, mistakes will be made.
“Educate yourself, engage authentically with your children from a place of love, and understand that, like anything else in parenting, you will make mistakes,” Matthew says.
Matthew also encourages parents who want to make a difference and contribute to the work of overcoming racism to be ready for challenging times. The former New Orleans teacher confesses that his work could mentally exhausting at times because unlike his public school teaching days, he is responsible for instructing adults who are set in their ways and thinking. Nonetheless, the outcome outweighs the struggle.
“I actually believe that parents who create the habit of engaging in healthy conversations about race with their children makes it easier in the long run,” Matthew says. “Rather than having to engage in these conversations reflexively when a child witnesses or experiences racism or there is some major event in the news.”
Learn more about Matthew’s work with Overcoming Racism at overcomingracism.com.
