When marital conflicts become irreconcilable, one of the options couples opt for is divorce. The decision to head in this direction isn’t a walk in the park because it has a lot of repercussions. It makes the separation even more challenging when the couple has a child. Co-parenting after the disunion of marriage may become messy if the parents aren’t on good terms.

While both parents seek their child’s welfare, an aspect that proves to be a pain point when it comes to co-parenting is parental alienation. Roughly 19% of the married population in the US that’s undergone divorce has experienced this, and many factors come into play.

This article will discuss what parental alienation is and what can be done to prevent it. Continue reading to learn more.

Parental alienation 101

Parental alienation happens when children grow out of their relationship with a parent. They distance themselves from one of their guardians and strongly take the side of the other. Usually, this happens because of one party’s manipulation. Examples of parental alienation may include badmouthing, blaming, falsifying narratives, and exploiting the child’s emotions, among others.

This doesn’t happen automatically as this unhealthy phenomenon is gradually inculcated in the children’s minds. It could start with a mother telling her child that the child’s father is the primary person responsible for the falling apart of their family. Other circumstances call for moving away to a far location so that keeping a relationship with the other parent will be particularly challenging. From there, the child’s perspective starts to become murky, leading to alienation.

Effects of parental alienation on children

Children’s development becomes more well-rounded if both parents support and guide them throughout. That’s why the aftermath of parental alienation ultimately takes a toll on children as they grow up. In fact, statistics show that the risk for behavioral concerns increases by 16% if parents separate when the children are in their preteen years. While they can biologically survive even if they only have one parent taking care of them, it can’t be denied that there are repercussions in this kind of setup.

Parental alienating behaviors create a sense of confusion among children because they find it complicated to understand their problematic circumstance. They may be disillusioned when it comes to the opposing ideas they’re absorbing, causing emotional distress. After all, internalizing hurtful remarks about the people who raised them could convince them that there’s just something wrong with the parent, which is why they parted ways.

The primary consequence of confusion and emotional distress is that children may second guess how they perceive and process things happening in their lives. This can result in a false sense of individuality that can be inadequate with their unique circumstance. And this can be a recurring pattern or theme in their lives even if they reconcile with the estranged parent.

Not only that, but children may have a hard time forming meaningful connections with their peers because of the broken relationships in their family. They may have a distorted view of relating with people, which could possibly stem from their trust issues. Children who have divorced parents miss out on seeing what a healthy, loving relationship looks like, and they may carry it as they form bonds with people.

Avoiding parental alienation

The actions that co-parents tolerate are the culture that will permeate their children’s lives. So, getting rid of the risks of parental alienation can be done if the guardians cooperate and coordinate. At the end of the day, it’s for the well-being of their children.

Cooperative communication is key to successful co-parenting. Refrain from saying negative things to your child about the separation. See to it that you still build a civil relationship with your former partner by communicating what needs to be discussed.

Also, let your children express what they think and feel in an honest manner without feeling constrained by their standing in the family. It’s important for them to feel safe, heard, and understood, so see to it that they’ll experience the love they need from their parents.

For the parents’ side, honoring the boundaries set by both parties is a must. Refrain from meddling in each other’s time with the children, unless it’s an emergency. Each party should also have a say when it comes to the decisions affecting the children. Being consistent in how the children are raised can also decrease the confusion and tension that they experience.

Lastly, if you feel that there’s a hint of parental alienation happening, call it out for what it is and shed light on the situation. Seek advice from trusted family and friends or ask for legal counsel from a lawyer who specializes in family law. In this way, navigating the journey of co-parenting will be more straightforward.

Conclusion

Co-parenting entails raising children from a whole new different dynamic. But no matter the situation, maintaining the welfare of the children is the priority. By taking note of the principles mentioned in this article, you’ll be able to steer clear of the dangers of parental alienation.

Published by: Nelly Chavez