Self-care has become a popular phrase and concept, especially on social media. When browsing through different posts tagged as self-care, one will often see people doing yoga, sipping tea, eating nutritious meals, or applying skincare products. But while these activities can be part of the repertoire of tasks that individuals do to take care of themselves, true self-care runs deeper than this. Today, we sit down and talk self-care with Mabel Yiu, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and CEO of Women’s Therapy Institute.

Question: Self-care can mean different things to different people. But at its core, what exactly is self-care?

Mabel: That is very true. But in essence, self-care is the time and energy you spend taking care of yourself mentally and physically. It means investing in yourself in your thoughts, actions, body, and emotions. Taking care of yourself and investing in yourself allows you to become your advocate. It gives you the freedom to choose how and what to think, feel, do, and believe.

Question: So it means putting ourselves first?

Mabel: It is not as simple as that. As a society, we have been conditioned to think that we must not care about others if we take the time to take care of ourselves. This mindset leads to confusion and guilt, which impacts our lives and the lives of the people we interact with. Caring for ourselves and caring for others do not have to be mutually exclusive. Loving and caring for ourselves is just as important as the love and care we give others. As a therapist, this is what I spend a lot of time debunking. A more profound form of self-care I encourage is setting healthy boundaries with ourselves, our attention, and our relationships.

Question: That is an interesting notion. It’s common to hear about setting boundaries with others, but not so much with setting boundaries with ourselves.

Mabel: Yes, sometimes our biggest enemy is ourselves. That is where the boundaries come in. Setting healthy boundaries for ourselves means committing to what is best for our mental well-being and our health. The first step is to decide what it is that you need to do. Then the next step is creating systems that will help you commit. Then all that is left is to do it and be consistent. I work with my clients and help them figure out systems or methods that work best for them. 

Question: Committing to and being consistent with healthy habits is easier said than done, especially with all the other things that fill up our daily lives.

Mabel: A lot of people do tend to overschedule. But cramming in the most number of tasks in a single day is not sustainable. Similarly, multitasking can lead to distractions, which can lead to being more disorganized. All this rush to cross so many things off to-do lists may leave people feeling stressed or overwhelmed. 

Question: And how can people avoid that?

Mabel: A better way to get things done is by setting boundaries with our attention. Focus on 3–5 tasks that you need to accomplish within the hour. Set a timer, do one thing at a time, then take a break. Doing this means giving the appropriate level of attention to things we need to do. It can also clarify what activities or projects are a top priority and what can be rescheduled or delegated. Streamlining how and what we give our attention to ultimately makes us achieve better.

Question: Does the concept of less is more apply to setting boundaries with relationships as well?

Mabel: I believe it does. Managing relationships can require a lot of mental and physical energy. Wearing too many hats—whether as a parent, a partner, a worker, or a friend—can lead to something called “role strain.” We feel this role strain when we find it challenging to meet the expectations each role demands. By setting boundaries and choosing which relationships to give energy to, interactions become more meaningful.

Question: In conclusion, healthy boundaries improve different aspects of our lives.

Mabel: It does. Maintaining healthy boundaries is self-care for our well-being. Establishing and owning them gives us a better sense of self and a more fulfilling way to live.

Mabel Yiu, MFT, is the CEO of the Women’s Therapy Institute. WTI is located in Palo Alto, California and Mountain View, California. For more information about Mabel Yiu and the work she does, you may visit this website.